From The Bakos Times archives: Commentary on mental illnesses, social anxiety, a traumatic brain injury, autism spectrum disorder, addictions, etc.

In the last issue I went into extended detail about what it is like to have a mental illness and addictions, whether the conditions be a traumatic brain injury with short term memory loss, autism spectrum disorder, bipolar II mood disorder, or social anxiety. Here it is, from the previous issue, to be posted as a blog post on my blog both here and on Wordpress (https://dominicjonespoetrywriting.wordpress.com). I hope it is as informative to you, the reader, as it was introspective when I myself turned inward and took a real hard realistic look at where my life is headed and what I still want to accomplish in this life time. So many places to visit and stuff to write down! I figure I am about halfway through my life, and wouldn't want to live past 90 anyways. I'd just be pooping my pants a lot. Kind of like I was a child again.

I think 86 is a good long life.

What is it like to have bipolar II mood disorder and other psychiatric or emotional conditions, and a traumatic brain injury?

Everyone on this planet knows someone who has a mental illness, or they unfortunately/fortunately suffer from (or enjoy) it themselves.

But if you don't have bipolar II mood disorder, here is a detailed synopsis of what I experience on a regular basis. I am writing this so that you will have

more of an idea of where I get my inspiration for my writing from. I get it

from the constant stream of insanely awesomeness-infused tunes on my headphones. I get it from the weather, my friends and family, my cat and my plants. Besides my everyday experiences, exposure to different forms of media on a daily basis, and my hope for the future, I frequently and relentlessly experience depression, mania and social anxiety.

Those are the three main areas I wish to focus on.

Social anxiety is its own disorder in and of

itself, but some of the symptoms bleed into my other conditions. I realize now that having Autism Spectrum Disorder only exacerbates my other mental illness that I suffer from (or love), but still, I would like to get this show on the road and get to the point.

Any of these symptoms can happen if I were to miss my medication:

(antidepressant, mood stabilizer, anti-psychotic, anxiety meds

, and

sleep aids). My history has shown that it is not good at all. You might kill yourself out of despair if you are depressed, but the opposite end of the spectrum of mental illness is that you may get locked up if you are manic. Despite my disease, tho, it is treatable (but not curable). As my life progresses the episodes of mania or depression get worse every time, but they are fewer and further in between, or at least I think I can recall that they are.

Depression:

Feeling worthless, on edge, sleeping a lot, feeling hopeless, miserable, as if I am a failure to myself or my family, tired, angst ridden, thinking that something terrible will happen constantly, etc.

Mania:

Grandiose thoughts, lots of lists, rapid speech

patterns, quick movements, heavy drug or alcohol or cigarette or coffee use, lots of projects that get started but not finished, ideas, anger, sober ambition fueled by cigarettes and coffee, lots of browser tabs open at the same time, over stimulation by having as many things as you can going at the same time (like ADD or ADHD overload), resolve to get something done and figured out, difficulty concentrating, racing thoughts, angst, confusion, rearranging furniture or other things in my apartment, staying awake for days or weeks on end, goals, ambition, focused attention, social anxiety that may lead to conflicts and damaged relationships, lots and lots and lots of text messages, making Spotify playlists,

scatterbrained thoughts, etc.

Social anxiety:

Feeling like the situation is too “peopley,”

and there are too many people, people getting into my personal space bubble, such as a concert or the grocery store or a football game or something public of those natures. This element of bipolar often involves the police and possibly getting arrested and thrown in jail (of which I would not get the psychiatric care or meds that help me function), or going to a psychiatric facility, etc. My biggest fear is getting arrested and being manic, depressed or emotionally unstable and in the medical section of Ada or Canyon County Jail. I hope this helps explain my afflictions more clearly. Some of the most intelligent people on this planet suffer from drug or alcohol addiction,mental illness, autism, or other mood disorders, and I am no different from them. If you know me personally and are ever made aware of any of these symptoms, please reach out and help me. Otherwise I may end up homeless, beaten up, in jail or a psychiatric center, overdosed, brain damaged beyond current condition, dead, etc.